The Healing Power of Touch

“Touching – The Human Significance of the Skin” by Ashley Monagu.

“The languages of the senses, in which all of us can be socialized, are capable of enlarging our appreciation and of deepening our understanding of each other and the world in which we live. Chief among these languages is touching. The communications we transmit through touch constitute the most powerful means of establishing human relationships, the foundation of experience. Where touching begins, there love and humanity also begin – within the first minutes following birth.”

For years my daughter was given four choices for her bedtime activity. One, breastfeeding in her favorite pink rocking chair (or when she was older, a story that I would make up while rocking her, which always challenged my creativity, especially when I was tired); two, would be reading a story in bed (easy); three, would be tickle-drawings on her back where I would draw pictures and she would guess what they were (fun); and four, a healing touch session where she would choose an area of her body that she wanted me to massage (my favorite).

Granted, as a licensed massage therapist, it was a no brainer for me to include healing touch/massage in my daughter’s well-being care, starting with her first full body infant massage when she was only three days old. Lucky girl! She always slept so much better after her massage and in general seemed more at peace. When she was 8 weeks old, while massaging her, I noticed a very strange golf-ball sized lump protruding from her intestinal area that would come and go. This was a frightening discovery and soon confirmed that she had a hernia. At twelve weeks old my precious home-birthed child had a double hernia operation. Handing her over to the anesthesiologist was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my 24 years of being a parent. All went well. Afterwards, both giving and receiving massage, and healing touch helped both of us recover from the trauma of that event. Just like with breastfeeding, massage naturally stimulates the body’s happy hormone response (for both the one giving and the one receiving), circulating relaxation endorphins and oxytocin throughout the body, opening the senses to be more receptive to healing and aiding the body in it’s desired release of stress-related tension.

Even most nights of her teen years, the ole’ bedtime ritual was asked for; with either reading to each other or healing touch being the teen-receptive categories she would choose from. Nurturing touch with our teenagers often opens up gateways of communication and intimacy that would not otherwise be available. I was both grateful and humbled that my daughter would disclose personal issues with me in confidence, during massage. Often these issues would be the subjects of our conversations for nights to come, until she was complete with what was troubling her.

Depending on what the current developmental challenges are for your children/teens, whether it be social, school-related or physical, nothing quite meets those needs like nurturing touch. Leg cramps, headaches, exam anxiety, social stress, menstrual cramps and the like, all respond beautifully to the loving care you can offer through healing touch.

Some of my fondest memories of my daughter as a child and teen, are of her falling fast asleep while I gently held her head in my hands, my fingertips massaging her neck and base of her skull (occiput). Professionally speaking, some of you may know this as cranio-sacral therapy. The truth is, with sensitivity and care anyone can offer intentional healing through touch to their children as well as other family members and friends. Nurturing touch can have a powerful impact on your children’s lives. Your children learn gratitude, respect for their bodies, healthy boundaries and how to relax with touch that is laced with love and sensitivity.

To get you started, here are three simple nurturing touch tips that you can offer your children.

• Simply Be more mindful about how you touch your children. There’s touch that serves many functions like dressing, bathing, braiding hair etc. and there’s touch that serves to nurture, heal and relax children like rubbing their back, holding them close after a rough tumble or fall, rocking them to sleep. Create a balance of these two forms that touch can serve. We’re often so busy, that the majority of our touch falls into the function category, especially as our children get older and move away from a body-centered relationship with us and into a socially engaged relationship with the bigger world.
• If you’re not used to offering healing touch/massage, it may seem awkward at first to offer. Some kids will like it if you make a big deal out of it, and some kids rather you not. How much you engage them in this new venture of yours depends on your kids. With the latter, you can offer them a good ole’ foot massage while your watching a movie together. Start with just rubbing their feet, even over their socks. Usually firm touch and gentle squeezes prevent the tickle response. If you want, you can graduate to using lotion, which works best on the skin of feet vs. oil – you can get more friction. And you can even educate yourself about the benefits of foot reflexology and really apply your healing intentions. OR, for kids that would respond to more of fanfare, if you already have a bedtime routine, tell them you have something new that you learned and want to share with them, that they can choose as one of their bedtime activities. And hey…you bought some special oil and lotion just for the occasion (don’t be surprised if they want to lather YOU up with the oil and lotion! Oh and best to stay away from petroleum-based oils. Try almond or jojoba oil).
• And finally, try this: Ask your child where on their body it feels hurt or sad or frustrated (if they’re babies, trust your intuition to guide you). Now, rub your hands together fast til they warm up. Then, place your hands gently on that area or simply hold their hands, head or feet in your hands. Now imagine the palms of your hands heating up with warmth, sending healing love from your heart, through the palms of your hands to them. Breathe and relax while you do this. Encourage your child to breathe too. Breathe and let go of all the thoughts of the day. Breathe and let Love heal them.

Elizabeth Rose has practiced and taught Massage for the Childbearing Year for 25 years, attended 100+ births as a Labor Support Doula, and is co-founder of www.MothersMandala.com with Elenya Grafals – the umbrella organization for their work. Most recently, she has become a Family Constellation Facilitator in the tradition of Bert Hellinger’s intergenerational healing work. She is also a mother to her inspiring 24 year old daughter, Maia.