What Babies Need

Photo: Cass Gilbert

My work has taken me into the homes of many families with a newborn. I’m a home visitor and breastfeeding consultant and I work for a non-profit in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Regardless of each family’s circumstances, I find that all parents want to know what’s best for their baby and how to give him/her everything he/she needs to grow up healthy and whole.

In working with hundreds of parents and developing my consulting business, Relationship Based Parenting (relationshipbasedparenting.com), I have identified the following three factors in a child’s early life have the most impact on their overall health and “success”. These factors are especially important in early childhood, prenatal through 3 years old, because the brain is forming rapidly and the groundwork for attachment in being laid.

1. Positive Interactions in a Healthy Relationship

Within the context of a healthy relationship, your child learns all the social and emotional skills they need. Positive interactions between parents and children builds a sense of connection, trust and interdependency. In infancy this is done with eye contact, being held, cooing with your baby and showing empathy for your baby’s discomforts. As our kids grow older, healthy relationships will contribute to emotional resiliancy and positive behaviors.

• Create a warm, loving, safe environment for your child.
• Be affectionate.
• Wear your baby in a carrier so s/he is kept close.
• Notice your baby’s cues; hunger, tired, looking to engage.
• Sing, read and talk to your child.

2. Confidence and Self Esteem:

A confident child can show respect, be considerate, be a problem solver and become independent. This is also referred to as healthy self-esteem; essentially the messages your child says to himself, about himself are positive; “I can figure this out”, “I am good enough”, “I am loveable”, I can count on Mom or Dad to be there when I need them”.

• Respond to your baby when they cry.
• Stay calm while your baby is upset. Respond with compassion.
• Encourage laughter and learning.
• Use descriptive praise
• Be a problem solver; consider options and solutions.

3. Emotional Resiliency

Emotional resiliency is the ability to manage feelings and cope with day to day stresses as well as major life events. This also includes the ability to recognize and accept feelings and express them in appropriate ways that do not harm others.

• Accept different emotions.
• Talk about your feelings. Be honest.
• Avoid saying things like, “there is nothing to worry about” or “that’s a silly thing to be afraid of” or “you’re just tired”.
• Allow your child to experience frustration. Don’t rush to rescue. Working through difficult tasks and completing them helps your child feel successful.
• Talk about ways to calm down. Manage your own emotions in a healthy way so your child has a good example of emotional resiliency.
• Encourage optimism.

There are different qualities of healthy behavior in each aspect of this list. Relationship based parenting is a balance of positive leadership and guidance as well as connecting in meaningful ways so your children see you as an ally in learning and growing.

What do you think children need most to grow up healthy and whole?

By Abby Bordner

Email me at abby@relationshipbasedparenting.com for a free parenting consultation.

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