Zen of Motherhood: Meditation

When Sh*t Goes Wrong

Pardon my french...but something really horrible happened on my recent trip to the U.K.  We were staying at a friend's house that wasn't baby proofed and my 13 month old son fell down an entire flight of steep non-carpeted stairs.

The baby and I were upstairs and I was packing our things to leave the house.  I saw him make a break for the door/stairs and went to snatch him up.  Before I knew it,  he had slipped and I was watching him bounce like a rag doll down the stair case.  It was terrifying.  I screamed.  The entire thing felt slow motion.  I ran to the bottom of the stairs and picked up his limp body immediately.  I didn't want to look at him.  I held his little body terrified and crying believing that if I were to look at him, I would find him close to death and his face looking battered.

I must have been in shock.  My partner encouraged me to assess him.  I looked at his face...only a mild scratch on the forehead.  I poked and prodded other areas of his body for tenderness/reaction...nothing. After about 10 minutes of just being in my arms, he was down and walking around like normal.  I spent the rest of the day watching him and even had him nap on my chest in the carrier.  But besides some possible dead brain cells from the tumble...my child was completely OK.

I share this story with you because I've realized with small children things can go wrong VERY quickly.  If you're alone raising a child or have multiples, you literally can't be everywhere at once.  As parents, we try our best to protect our little ones from all harm but sometimes we fail.  Failure is a part of parenting.  It's part of life.

I spent most of that day in self judgement.  I let the naughty little voice in my head run rampant.  Telling myself what a horrible mother I was.  Listing all the ways the incident could have been prevented and how stupid I was for not closing the bedroom door.  Maybe some of you reading this are in agreement with that voice...judging me for my mistake.  But many of you also have experienced such traumas.  Dropping babies, scolding them with hot water, finding them choking on food, falling down with sharp objects...the list could go on for miles.  Being fully responsible for another human being's life is no joke.  Especially one that has no concept of the laws of physics!

The point in me sharing this humbling story with you,  wasn't so you could judge me.  It was to remind you all of our humanness.  That we are each doing the best we can at any given moment.  Some moments are better than others but we are trying.  To remind you to stop giving the stink eye to parents who you think are doing a piss poor job at parenting and instead offer them some help and support.  It's no joke when they say it takes a village to raise a child.

More often than not what a parent needs is help.  They don't need the kind of help where you tell them all the ways that they're doing it wrong or how you would do it.  They need help making time for themselves so that their cup is full.  They need personal time to relax and replenish.  They need someone to ask how they are doing when "sh*t goes wrong" because more often then not they are equally as traumatized by the experience as the child.

The essence of being human is that none of us are perfect.  When you become a parent, I feel like that lesson slaps you in the face over and over.  The practice is forgiving yourself, learning from the experience, and trying to be better next time.

Here's to all all the times that things will go wrong, we pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.  Here's to being human!


With so much love,

xoxo

Nancy

The practice of Skin-to-Skin Contact

Photo: Cass Gilbert

As human beings we desire and need human touch.  A hundred years ago ninety nine percent of babies died in orphanages before they were seven months old.  This wasn't due to lack of nutrition or infectious disease.  These babies died from a different type of deprivation: lack of touch.  

Luckily, today modern medicine has acknowledged this connection and care providers are encouraged to touch and hold babies.  Positioning babies on a bare chest triggers a hormonal cascade that delivers many advantages to baby. 

Benefits for Baby

1.) Accelerates Brain Development: Holding baby on your skin increases the development of essential neural pathways, which accelerate brain maturation.  

2.) Reduces Crying and Stress: Direct connection with your skin soothes baby's cortisol levels (stress hormone).  Pain levels are reduced as well.  As a result, babies who experience regular skin on skin often cry less and appear less agitated.

3.) Regulates Body Temperature: Infants are not born able to regulate their own body temperature.  A mother's body cares for baby through a process of thermoregulation.  Within minutes of being held skin to skin, the mother's breasts automatically adjust to cool the baby down or warm him up.

4.) Improves Quality of Sleep: Development of mature brain function in infants depends on the quality of their sleep cycling.  During skin on skin most infants fall asleep easily and go into a "quiet sleep" which is most beneficial for accelerating brain patterning and maturation.  

5.) Enhances Immune System: Mom's mature immune system passes antibodies through her skin and breast milk to baby.  

6.) Stimulates Digestion and Weight Gain: Skin on skin reduces cortisol and somatostatin in babies, allowing for better absorption and digestion of nutrients, while lessening gastrointestinal problems.  With a reduction of these hormones, their bodies preserve brown fat (fat they are born with), helping to maintain birth weight and encouraging better weight gain.

7.) Synchronizes Heart Rate and Breathing: 75% of sporadic breathing and slow heart rate episodes are reduced through skin on skin.

8) Encourages Breastfeeding Behavior: Studies have shown that newborns held skin on skin immediately after birth are TWICE ask likely to breastfeed within the first hour than swaddled newborns. 

As a baby grows and develops their need for for touch does not diminish.  Even though it may become challenging to keep your little one on your chest once they are mobile, there are still ways to encourage this healthy touch.  

A few ways to continue skin on skin and healthy touch as your child grows:

1.) Gentle massage before bed time

2.) Bathing together

3.) Prolonged cuddle sessions 

4.) Gentle rough play on the floor

5.) Holding hands

There are many ways to continue to touch and bond with your child.   Remember that even though they may not be tiny infants any more, that doesn't mean that they do not need that primal human connection.  

With so much love,

xoxo

Nancy

The Blessings of Prenatal Yoga

Whether you are a seasoned practitioner or have never practiced a posture in your life, yoga can impart a deep sense of tranquility and comfort through the ebbs and flows of your pregnancy. Yoga strengthens, refines, and stabilizes your body, breath, and mind. Moreover, prenatal yoga can help you soften and yield to the monumental process that is happening within. This acquiescence can cultivate an overarching feeling that your pregnancy is evolving the way Mother Nature intends.

Each trimester brings different gifts and challenges to each woman. One of the blessings of yoga is learning how to tune in and bring awareness to the changing states of your body, breath, and mind. By creating time and space to reflect on where you are and where you would like to be, you can set intentions for bringing yourself back into balance.

My personal yoga practices shifted throughout the course of my pregnancies. When I was pregnant with my son, the first trimester nausea prevented me from practicing almost any asanas (yoga postures). I focused solely on pranayama (breathing practices) and meditation to balance my emotions and get through that uncomfortable time. As the nausea subsided in the second trimester, yoga helped strengthen my back, and pranayama

helped me settle down at night so I could relax deeply and sleep soundly. My third trimester practices were invigorating so I could keep my energy strong and create a sense of lightness in my expanding body. I used this time to refine pranayama, which allowed me to go deeper in meditation and feel more prepared and peaceful approaching birth.

The primary purpose of prenatal yoga is to support a pregnant woman’s whole being. Many often think of yoga as an attempt to get into complex postures. Moving beyond this limited idea of yoga can help you see that the function of postures and practices—how they affect your body, breath, and mind—is more important than their appearance. A complete practice of yoga includes:

• movement

• breathing exercises

• meditation

• possibly chanting or sound exercises

• adopting universal ideas for a harmonious life based on the underlying philosophy of yoga

Blessings on your prenatal yoga journey,

Margo

This is an excerpt from my new release: Yoga Mama Yoga Baby, Ayurveda and Yoga for a Healthy Pregnancy and Birth.

Margo Shapiro Bachman, MA, is a mother of two, a nationally certified Ayurvedic practitioner and an RYT500 registered yoga teacher. She is the author of Yoga Mama Yoga Baby, Ayurveda and Yoga for a Healthy Pregnancy and Birth, and Yoga Mama Yoga Baby, Guided Practices for Every Stage of Pregnancy and Birth. Margo has studied and practiced yoga, meditation and Western herbal medicine for over 20 years, and received more than a decade of extensive Ayurvedic training. Her private practice and teaching focus on in women's and children's health.  See www.margoshapirobachman.com

New Prenatal Yoga Class!

Margo Bachman, author of Yoga Mama Yoga baby, has a new prenatal yoga class at BODY in Santa Fe.  Prenatal yoga safely supports the mother-to-be with yoga postures, breath awareness, and meditation. Classes can help increase flexibility and strength while easing common discomforts and preparing for childbirth. Thursdays 10:45-12 

What Babies Need

Photo: Cass Gilbert

My work has taken me into the homes of many families with a newborn. I’m a home visitor and breastfeeding consultant and I work for a non-profit in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Regardless of each family’s circumstances, I find that all parents want to know what’s best for their baby and how to give him/her everything he/she needs to grow up healthy and whole.

In working with hundreds of parents and developing my consulting business, Relationship Based Parenting (relationshipbasedparenting.com), I have identified the following three factors in a child’s early life have the most impact on their overall health and “success”. These factors are especially important in early childhood, prenatal through 3 years old, because the brain is forming rapidly and the groundwork for attachment in being laid.

1. Positive Interactions in a Healthy Relationship

Within the context of a healthy relationship, your child learns all the social and emotional skills they need. Positive interactions between parents and children builds a sense of connection, trust and interdependency. In infancy this is done with eye contact, being held, cooing with your baby and showing empathy for your baby’s discomforts. As our kids grow older, healthy relationships will contribute to emotional resiliancy and positive behaviors.

• Create a warm, loving, safe environment for your child.
• Be affectionate.
• Wear your baby in a carrier so s/he is kept close.
• Notice your baby’s cues; hunger, tired, looking to engage.
• Sing, read and talk to your child.

2. Confidence and Self Esteem:

A confident child can show respect, be considerate, be a problem solver and become independent. This is also referred to as healthy self-esteem; essentially the messages your child says to himself, about himself are positive; “I can figure this out”, “I am good enough”, “I am loveable”, I can count on Mom or Dad to be there when I need them”.

• Respond to your baby when they cry.
• Stay calm while your baby is upset. Respond with compassion.
• Encourage laughter and learning.
• Use descriptive praise
• Be a problem solver; consider options and solutions.

3. Emotional Resiliency

Emotional resiliency is the ability to manage feelings and cope with day to day stresses as well as major life events. This also includes the ability to recognize and accept feelings and express them in appropriate ways that do not harm others.

• Accept different emotions.
• Talk about your feelings. Be honest.
• Avoid saying things like, “there is nothing to worry about” or “that’s a silly thing to be afraid of” or “you’re just tired”.
• Allow your child to experience frustration. Don’t rush to rescue. Working through difficult tasks and completing them helps your child feel successful.
• Talk about ways to calm down. Manage your own emotions in a healthy way so your child has a good example of emotional resiliency.
• Encourage optimism.

There are different qualities of healthy behavior in each aspect of this list. Relationship based parenting is a balance of positive leadership and guidance as well as connecting in meaningful ways so your children see you as an ally in learning and growing.

What do you think children need most to grow up healthy and whole?

By Abby Bordner

Email me at abby@relationshipbasedparenting.com for a free parenting consultation.

Relationshipbasedparenting.com