When
my daughter, Maia, turned seventeen (she’s now 24), she exacted a
bold decision after a very tense period of living with me and her
step-father. Funny how mothers “know.” From the minute she said,
“I want to get together with you, sometime before the school year
begins, for a walk and a talk,” I knew. As she was finishing her
sentence I blurted out, “oh, you’re going to move in with your
Dad.” She nodded in surprise, and I sarcastically responded with
“fine, go ahead and leave me, just abandon your mother.” “Gee,
was there any truth to that statement?” I asked myself. She was
quick to plead for a guilt-free response from me. I immediately
turned my emotional reaction around to a strong, loving and
supportive one. My seventeen year old daughter had come to a
significant and clear decision about what she
needed to better her life.
There
was no need to argue with her, guilt trip her, doubt her, try to
convince her otherwise. Truth has this undeniable way of standing its
own ground with no contest. Like one of those punching clown dolls,
with the heavy weight at the bottom. Doesn’t matter how hard, soft
or from what angle you hit it: Truth always stands erect when prodded
and punched. One believes, the only way to defeat truth is to deny
it, walk away from it, or pretend it was never there. But even that
motion, to reject truth, catches up with us eventually in one form or
another.
Truth
means us no harm, but Truth also never fails its mission to insist we
give it our undivided attention. We do have a choice it seems as to
how
we invite her in or not: either we begrudgingly submit to the “in
your faceness” of truth; especially when Truth takes on the
unrelenting quality of presenting one circumstance after another,
often as some degree of discomfort, pain, horror, disgust or
otherwise shadowy disguise...until we finally “deal” with her. OR
we can choose to look at her and invite her in and see what all this
fuss is about. I guess I think of Truth as feminine, because, like
the most conscious mother, despite all the guises her children take
on in a lifetime, she still accepts them as her children… and loves
them anyway; the truth of their lives, whether they’re criminals or
New Age woo woo types. Truth doesn’t judge.
To
face Truth is to offer her your deepest fears; of rejection, of
unworthiness, of shame that you are in such a state of apparent
disrepair. Such an ugly duckling! Truth sees all of that. Exactly or
more precisely, she sees right through the illusion of who you think
you are NOT. “I am not beautiful, I am not worthy, I am not
intelligent” and on and on, through all the illusory knots we’ve
so vociferously tied ourselves up as – so tightly until we can
hardly breathe, hardly move, speak or think! But, Truth is like the
most patient of mothers who never gives up on her most challenging
child; the one who IS the ugly duckling. Because Truth knows she will
remain unwavering in her faith and love and stand ever present in the
face of All the illusory lies of what that child may or may not
believe about himself (or in the face of what others may believe or
impose on her child – labels and all). She’ll stand tirelessly
until finally the knots begin to loosen, the veils of forgetting
become thinner and the remembering of their true Self begins.
One
cannot help to become illuminated, little by little or in sudden
bursts with Mother Truth revolving around her little planet, like the
sun revolving around the earth casting out solar flares. Through the
leela, the illusions, the play of shadow and light finally comes the
Truth of who we are. With enough love and patience any dark, sad soul
can be uplifted, en-lightened.
To
Thine Own Heart Be True. To me, my daughter’s imploration to move
in with her Dad was expressed with such clear conviction and
authenticity, that I realized here was my daughter making a decision
based on what she knew unequivocally, to be True for her.
Wow! I wasn’t even in touch with that part of myself until my early
thirties, if that! It wasn’t unlike another time in her life, when
she approached me in a similar confident way.
I’ll
finish this piece with a truism that Maia had, even at the tender age
of three, when, after her father and I separated, she begged me in
the sweetest way, “please Mommy, I need mooties really bad.”
Mooties was her word for breastfeeding. I had breastfed Maia until
she was two and a half years old. Certainly it was not her sole means
of nourishment as foods were a wonder and delight to her, but on a
soul level it was the “no brainer,” first choice source of
comfort when she was emotionally upset or rebounding from a physical
wound or just needed my closeness. I was, however, grateful when she
had finished her two and a half year long romance with my milky
breasts.
At
the time when she asked again for “mooties” there was no
hesitation in her voice that this was a genuine need of hers, and I
figured what the heck, there’s no milk there, she’ll suck and
that’ll be that. As it turns out, our breastfeeding moment was also
a genuine need of mine; as any breastfeeding mother will tell you,
the act of breastfeeding itself has an all-encompassing reassuring
and comforting effect on both mother and babe. I felt such relief the
moment her suctioning lips gathered around my nipple. Tears ran down
my face looking down at her, looking up at me with those sparkly,
dolphin eyes. Besides the sacredness of such a reunion, there was the
love hormone, oxytocin, which is released during pleasurable acts
such as eating chocolate or a delicious meal with delightful company,
lovemaking and lo and behold, breastfeeding. Mother Nature’s love
hormone uplifts our hearts and calms our nervous system. To my
surprise, a day later, my breasts became engorged with breastmilk.
Ahh, that sweet nectar of life, the Goddess’s “truth serum,”
oxytocin and all! We both happily breastfed here and there for the
next six months until we both adjusted to our new life and didn’t
need “mooties” anymore!
(In
the seven years since Maia made that bold decision, she has made many
other bold choices like: venturing out-of-state for college, sailing
3,000 nautical miles across the Pacific Ocean with SEA Woodshole on a
research tall ship, majoring in science as an Oceanographer and and regularly scuba dives in the cold water, kelp forests of the Pacific Northwest doing research and sampling for various reef monitoring programs).
Elizabeth Rose has practiced and taught Massage for the Childbearing Year for 25 years, attended 100+ births as a Labor Support Doula, and is co-founder of www.MothersMandala.com with Elenya Grafals – the umbrella organization for their work. Most recently, she has become a Family Constellation Facilitator in the tradition of Bert Hellinger’s intergenerational healing work. She is also a mother to her inspiring 24 year old daughter, Maia.
