My son Sage came out of the womb a ravenous eater. He has always had a great appetite. It was no surprise that when solids were introduced that he ate it all. Of course there was the occasional grimace when trying something for the first time or the time he dry heaved at his first taste of cauliflower. But for the most part, I had myself a jolly eater.
It wasn't until a few weeks ago that Sage started to be "difficult" at meal time. He screamed when he wanted food and screamed more when I was lagging on providing the next bite. If I had prepared him a big bowl of something, he seemingly got bored of it after a few bites and would refuse to eat it.
There was a part of me that wanted to fight him and say "OK, if you're not going to eat this, then meal time is over". And then there was the mother in me feeling completely crazed because I want my child to be full, fed, and happy. Issue with an infant is that you can't really rationalize with him. I don't feel at this young of an age, depriving him of food because he didn't want to eat was the answer.
In Selma Fraiberg's book The Magic Years, she describes a nine month old baby that was going through a very similar experience. And what turned out to be the cause was the mother's need for cleanliness and control during meal time.
I resonated with the story. I found that I hadn't yet allowed Sage to get down and dirty in his meal. I was too worried about the pureed mess that would follow. Frailberg explains that babies want the fun of feeding themselves and they enjoy the mess. It's part of their exploration of food. Just like the mother in the story, I had been unwisely preventing this and causing us both more conflict then necessary.
And what about table manners? She goes on to explain that we need not worry. The pleasure of messing with food eventually subsides and is replaced by the desire to learn how to use the tools: spoons, fork, cup etc.
The screaming has decreased significantly as well. Partly because Sage is enjoying his meals and is in control of what he eats with each bite, but also because I became more diligent with baby sign language. The sign for "more" and "food" have been my ears' saving grace.
Thankfully, Sage and I were able to quickly move through that conflict and it didn't turn into something bigger. I now have a happier, quieter, and messier little eater.
Have you had any feeding disturbances while introducing solids to your little one? If so, how did you manage to work through it? Do you feel like it was due to a power struggle? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below.
With so much love,
xoxo
Nancy
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