In 1972, when I was in 7th grade, I started a collection of newspaper cartoon clippings that I would cut out of the paper after I came home from school, and then with sticky tack would arrange them on my wall above my bed. These were no ordinary cartoons. Each one had the same sketch every day of an unclothed, androgynous-looking young adult girl and boy, clearly in relationship and above them the title, “Love Is…” Below the picture, the statement of what “Love Is,” would change everyday, and sometimes the picture of the couple too, like him giving her a bouquet of flowers.
At this time, my mother, who had quite the interior design knack, decided to redo my bedroom in a milieu of pinks. She carefully selected and collected the items she needed first and then, voila, I came home from school one day and everything in my room was pink: the shag rug, the walls, and even my desk, with other colors mixed like on my bedspread and lampshade to soften the pink intensity. It was an adjustment to say the least, however the pink wall above my bed, made the perfect backdrop for my “Love Is” collection. Even though my mom never consulted with me about what I might like (pink was really not my favorite color at the time, rather a light, sky blue), I know now that it was her way of expressing her love for me. “Love Is… a beautiful pink room for my daughter.”
While most of the “Love Is” statements were simple gestures of kindness, gratitude and sharing, with nothing too in-depth, they mattered a lot to me as I faithfully collected them, hung them and mused on their meaning as I lie in my bed, listening to my clock radio for hours on end. In my family, no one really said kind things like that to one another, certainly not my mother and father to each other. I often wondered why and sometimes would cry about the absence of any outward expression of love in my family.
Fast forward to 2013, some forty-three years later, nearly twenty years into my second marriage, and my daughter twenty-four years old visiting home for the first time in a year. I decided I would write up a few of my own, contemporary “Love Is” statements for the fun of it. Here’s ten of them that I imagine could hang on the now goldenrod-yellow wall above my bed.
Love Is…hearing my husband whisper “love you,” as I drift off to sleep at night and first thing in the morning when I wake up.
Love Is…keeping my honey company while he watches his favorite seasonal sports on tv, while he massages my feet.
Love Is…seeing my daughter’s eyes light up as she delights in eating a long-anticipated plate of red and green chili smothered rellenos.
Love Is…chanting a series of om’s with my beloved playing his shruti box (an East Indian instrument to chant and tone to), as we alternately call out the names of friends and family sending love and good wishes to.
Love Is…choosing to listen to my family with neutrality and non-judgment.
Love Is…your grown child cuddling up with you on the couch.
Love Is…embracing the moment, accepting what is, and exploring the possibilities of growth and awareness that each moment offers.
Love Is…holding space for your partner, in the deepest most selfless way possible when they encounter a challenge, for as long as it takes, until some opening occurs.
Love Is…enjoying a hot tub together under the stars, on a freezing cold winter night.
Love Is…in a moment of stillness with keen awareness, inwardly appreciating the subtle and potent gifts of love and relationship.
Elizabeth Rose has practiced and taught Massage for the Childbearing Year for 25 years, attended 100+ births as a Labor Support Doula, and is co-founder of MothersMandala.com with Elenya Grafals – the umbrella organization for their work. Most recently, she has become a Family Constellation Facilitator in the tradition of Bert Hellinger’s intergenerational healing work. She is also a mother to her inspiring 24 year old daughter, Maia.
Elizabeth Rose has practiced and taught Massage for the Childbearing Year for 25 years, attended 100+ births as a Labor Support Doula, and is co-founder of MothersMandala.com with Elenya Grafals – the umbrella organization for their work. Most recently, she has become a Family Constellation Facilitator in the tradition of Bert Hellinger’s intergenerational healing work. She is also a mother to her inspiring 24 year old daughter, Maia.
